Weekend and more

Weekends

Well its been a long time since I posted, need to change that lol. Had been planning on writing something about not writing which had me going around in circles.
Inspiration popped up again and this time its an old story, basically I generally hate weekends.
Use to love them, it was a time when I used to get more time with the ex, also meant more time as a family group. Sunday mornings used to be my favorite, well I suppose it was usually lunchtime before we got up, yip Sundays aaaahhh (best way I cant think of making a happy sigh sound) But that was in a different lifetime, a really good time oh yeah.
Now Im not so keen on them (weekends) I used to work them prior to the bike accident and never was too happy about that. The reason for going out to work was not a pleasant one and it wasnt for financial needs. I did so because it was more pleasant being stood at the doors being abused by drunks than staying home. I can cope with abuse from strangers fairly well but from a loved one is unbearable.
Now that Im alone weekends are strange. Going out from where I live means taxis which have become quite expensive. So Im not keen on doing that every weekend, it generally means a night out can cost about £50-80 depending what is done. Have to admit that it gets pretty boring too as its basically the same faces every weekend. So to enjoy a good night out its better to do it on rare occasions. This unfortunately means that I spend most weekends at home.
Now if its a nice sunny weekend then the Blade comes out this means its a good time, nothing as good as racing around the countryside on the bike, fairly blows the cobwebs away. Unfortuantely not all weekends are sunny so they are usually spent about the home.
Its strange but why does these two days become different from all the other days, its not like I work a normal week? It has to be memories buried deep down in my head and heart.
I think part of the answer is that its "family" time too, where in my case its is no family time and that is something I find impossible to come to terms with.
Typical seperated person experience I suppose, its just all new to me. There are a lot of very lonely people out there and I assume there are special days that are as hard on them too.
Been a week since I started this, left it off because it wasnt hitting where I wanted it too.
But weekends means people relaxing having fun coupling, forming relationships and getting with their lives generally with another human. Most of them are young and its just nature doing what comes naturally. Thats why they hurt, Im old now, weekends arnt that mad and good anymore, so they just make me feel sort of past it.
Its Sunday night but not just any sunday night, its Fathers day, I have no cards nor any pressies, been asked several times today what did I get, its very hard to tell people I got nothing. They look at you with either sympathy or a look that says "feck me what did you do to your kids"?
Watched Defiance last night, made me realise how stupid we are. We have such easy lifes that we can act like spiteful kids to each other and the closer the person is to us the more nasty we can be. Feck me we pick fights with our mates, family and we keep them going until we end up not speaking or until we seperate. Some people do it more and go to a deep nastier level because we cant stand that the person we are fucking with dosnt show hatred back to us. Ive found that this is smomething that is caused by early childhood experiences and I believe that the nasty one dosnt even know it. Ignoring the deep psychological problems that people have, Im so amazed how as petty humans we need to hurt those that love us. Im beginning to think its because we dont have great turmoil in our lifes, life isnt basic anymore, hunt, food , breed we are to advanced for that but we find some other battle. Cant go to war so lets fuck with ourselves but hey use our soul mates instead. Ive talked to loads of divorced people these last few years and I keep hearing the same thing, he/she was my soulmate wtf. So in this very short life we meet someone special to us and then we become so petty that we hurt them, drag them through courts and never speak to them again. One life one chance, never to repeat it and yet we fill it and our friends with nastyness, why, I have a theory but thats for another blog post.