Irish's Blog Page

Emotional Memory

2010-08-01T17:07:00.000+01:00

Had to share this cause I found it amazing.
Earlier something sparked a memory that grew into a full blown experience, leaving me with a wonderful smile on my face (for a wee while that is).
As I said something sparked a memory (for me to know and you to guess at), it was something very personal about my ex wife, then the memory grew into a total and complete experience. It manifested itself in such a way that I was experiencing and reliving a lovely moment when love existed between us two.
Now generally thoughts, feelings like this hurt badly and very deeply but this did the opposite, they made me feel happier than Ive felt in a long time. It really was weird because I was there again completely, enjoying something unique and very personal.
For those that don’t know I relived this experience of at least ten years ago, yes its been that long ago, so why does these feeling still exist within me?
Well I think that two humans can meet and create an experience which cannot be duplicated. They create a bubble within they understand, enjoy, exist, love and live out with all those around them. This is rare, very rare, we love many times in our lives and we share different levels of love for others. But sometimes when two paths cross, it is completely unique, something that only the two individuals can create. Best I can compare it to, is when two chemicals are mixed the reaction between them is unique and no matter what you mix them with it will never be the same reaction repeated.
So I believe it is the same with humans, we (if we are lucky) meet that someone special and a unique, one off emotional bonding that really cannot be duplicated.
Now this begs the question, why does it go wrong, to many reasons really to go into that. Another question that baffles me more though is, why do some people keep the feelings and others can discard them with ease? Is it chemical or is it nature or is it nurture? One thing that I do envy though is the people that do drop the feelings completely and move on with ease, very lucky folks, although I suspect that they never in the first place experienced the depth of emotion referred to above

2010-07-29T10:13:00.000+01:00

To the fearful eye, all is threatening.
To the greedy eye, everything can be possessed.
To the judgemental eye, everything is closed in definitive frames.
To the resentful eye, everything is begrudged.
To the indifferent eye, nothing calls or awakens.
To the inferior eye, every else is greater.
To the loving eye, everything is real.

Sorry (blog open again)

2010-04-16T19:52:00.000+01:00

Well its been a very long time since I posted here I apologise, just needed to close it down for a while, wish I hadnt now but a bit late for that now.
So now Im back going to bore you all again.

Ray

Fun Run

2009-07-03T14:45:00.000+01:00

Thursday 02/07/09
So there I was amazed by this big yellow thing in the sky, maybe it was the second coming and the dam thing was warm nay hot too. Then theres the Loopy (female friend from a biker forum) dancing and frolicking with flowers in her hair and a bikini on to worship this very strange object. Me thinks its an omen, its saying Ray, ray (a lot of rays came from it, probably had a stammer) take the blade go on... Go on, its such a beautiful machine and its the fastest colour too. Bring it out let me see you mastering down these lovely twisty roads, shine for me ray (at least that's what I thought it said, I definitely heard the words ray and shine it may have called me son too)
So I prepare my day, in such a manner that I can get most of my work done by 2--3ish and then I can play......destination Lairg (Google earth it)

Around 4ish I head off in bright sunshine and clear skies, thoughts of Loopy wearing just a bra under her jacket and I'm forced to wear a huge T shirt its just not fair.
Roads are great not to much traffic and blade biting at the bit, its all good, big smile in the helmet and a lovely warm feeling in my bones. This is only my second trip outside the county for this bike, first one was when I was first able to ride again about a month after my accident last year, when the old blade was totally written off. So its on and southwards, oh this feels good.

Silly me it was a fecking trap, get to a village called Helmsdale and I'm beginning to think those are pretty dark clouds just past it, anyway being the brave hero you've all grown to love (I.e. Stupid and Reckless) I continue to next town because that's where the petrol station is....................oh dear not a good idea. In the distance I can see the lightening fork its way down onto the sea, no problem that's a good couple of miles out............second bad thought. Half way between the two places the sky goes completely black, hailstones start bouncing off my arms (ouch seriously), then in the next second the heavens open and I'm caught in a thunderstorm. The rain is coming down so hard that floods are forming on the road, cars in front of me have slowed down to 35--40 mph. Its so wet and dark I cant see the road, I try to check my mirrors for anything behind but can see that far. The cars in front have their lights on (I switch to full beam) so at least I'm able to follow the lights, I do have a good knowledge of the road so this wasn't as foolish as it may sound.
Arms getting very wet, water running down my legs filling my boots, gloves saturated, legs getting wet too, visibility down to about 20 metres, one of the cars in front pulls of the road, I presume its a bit too much for them. This continues (thunder, lightening [now it seems to be hitting the road ahead] and torrential rain for about 4 -5 miles and then just clears up. Oh forget to mention in the middle of this the wind became really strong, just adding a little more pressure.
Waoo I'm through it continue to next town, Brora for my petrol, fill up and enter the station to pay, where I'm greeted by a mono syllabic non communicative sales girl, oh the charms of Brora, not indicative though lol. When I come out again I look in the direction of Lairg and think that the sky is way too black over there, so wisely think "Home James".
I head back north and when I get to the place of the storm, its now moved on but there is still a little rain for a few miles but its nothing serious. Heading further north now up past Helmsdale and the skies start to clear and the sun is still shining, so at least I get to play the rest of the way home. Its a lovely run home until a bird decided to commit Hari Keri on my helmet, feck me those little beggars can really make an impact, I'm lucky though because it connected with the helmet just above the visor, which would have very serious consequences. Now my neck is sore.

Riding up my road (into my house) and the sky is black, the thunder storm has beat me to it lol. Now this is strange out of one window I have calmness and bright sunshine on the other side of the house the wind is getting up and the storm is doing its business, lightening, thunder and rain.
You have to admit its exciting and in a weird perverse way I thoroughly enjoyed the ride (the rain was warm so it wasn't a big deal) fairly disappointed I didn't get to Lairg, need to try again ;)

Sad truths

2009-06-29T13:45:00.000+01:00

"There's one sad truth in life I've found, While journeying east and west
The only folks we really wound, Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow, To those who love us best."

Weekend and more

2009-06-21T23:11:00.000+01:00

Weekends

Well its been a long time since I posted, need to change that lol. Had been planning on writing something about not writing which had me going around in circles.
Inspiration popped up again and this time its an old story, basically I generally hate weekends.
Use to love them, it was a time when I used to get more time with the ex, also meant more time as a family group. Sunday mornings used to be my favorite, well I suppose it was usually lunchtime before we got up, yip Sundays aaaahhh (best way I cant think of making a happy sigh sound) But that was in a different lifetime, a really good time oh yeah.
Now Im not so keen on them (weekends) I used to work them prior to the bike accident and never was too happy about that. The reason for going out to work was not a pleasant one and it wasnt for financial needs. I did so because it was more pleasant being stood at the doors being abused by drunks than staying home. I can cope with abuse from strangers fairly well but from a loved one is unbearable.
Now that Im alone weekends are strange. Going out from where I live means taxis which have become quite expensive. So Im not keen on doing that every weekend, it generally means a night out can cost about £50-80 depending what is done. Have to admit that it gets pretty boring too as its basically the same faces every weekend. So to enjoy a good night out its better to do it on rare occasions. This unfortunately means that I spend most weekends at home.
Now if its a nice sunny weekend then the Blade comes out this means its a good time, nothing as good as racing around the countryside on the bike, fairly blows the cobwebs away. Unfortuantely not all weekends are sunny so they are usually spent about the home.
Its strange but why does these two days become different from all the other days, its not like I work a normal week? It has to be memories buried deep down in my head and heart.
I think part of the answer is that its "family" time too, where in my case its is no family time and that is something I find impossible to come to terms with.
Typical seperated person experience I suppose, its just all new to me. There are a lot of very lonely people out there and I assume there are special days that are as hard on them too.
Been a week since I started this, left it off because it wasnt hitting where I wanted it too.
But weekends means people relaxing having fun coupling, forming relationships and getting with their lives generally with another human. Most of them are young and its just nature doing what comes naturally. Thats why they hurt, Im old now, weekends arnt that mad and good anymore, so they just make me feel sort of past it.
Its Sunday night but not just any sunday night, its Fathers day, I have no cards nor any pressies, been asked several times today what did I get, its very hard to tell people I got nothing. They look at you with either sympathy or a look that says "feck me what did you do to your kids"?
Watched Defiance last night, made me realise how stupid we are. We have such easy lifes that we can act like spiteful kids to each other and the closer the person is to us the more nasty we can be. Feck me we pick fights with our mates, family and we keep them going until we end up not speaking or until we seperate. Some people do it more and go to a deep nastier level because we cant stand that the person we are fucking with dosnt show hatred back to us. Ive found that this is smomething that is caused by early childhood experiences and I believe that the nasty one dosnt even know it. Ignoring the deep psychological problems that people have, Im so amazed how as petty humans we need to hurt those that love us. Im beginning to think its because we dont have great turmoil in our lifes, life isnt basic anymore, hunt, food , breed we are to advanced for that but we find some other battle. Cant go to war so lets fuck with ourselves but hey use our soul mates instead. Ive talked to loads of divorced people these last few years and I keep hearing the same thing, he/she was my soulmate wtf. So in this very short life we meet someone special to us and then we become so petty that we hurt them, drag them through courts and never speak to them again. One life one chance, never to repeat it and yet we fill it and our friends with nastyness, why, I have a theory but thats for another blog post.

Demons, Terrors, Flashbacks and Loneliness

2009-04-23T01:07:00.000+01:00

This is just pure ramblings which will be added to as thoughts occur to me. Not going to get bogged down on research because I don’t want to duplicate someone else’s work and want it to be as natural rantings as possibly. So I think I need to in general, steer clear of professional texts. Lets wander back to last weekend, it was an awful time, so glad its over but once again it fits into the flashback category, with some terror thrown in and haunting (not completely sure whither to use the words demons there)
Now let me try to explain things a little clearer and Ill make a reference to the piece Marrakech. That was 2007 and if you read through it you can see what my goal and aims were by taking the trip. From looking back I did (or thought so at the time) achieve them, which I was proud off but its April 09 and at times I find myself back to pre that trip emotions and at sometimes feeling worse. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t an everyday occurrence and to be honest I really don’t think I could cope if it was. So times are good and times are horrible, last weekend just happened to fall into the latter category.
Just in case you have forgotten what’s been happening these past few years, a quick synopses. Wife left and took kids with her, that was a couple of years ago but in spirit she removed herself in spirit several years before. Although its been over two years ago I’m still having problems with things, which is one of the reasons for starting this blog and secondly as I hopefully work my way through it, maybe others will read it empathise and find solace.
Flashbacks, why do we have them, I suppose something triggers our memory, a sound, a smell, a place or a sight?
These I can understand as our memories make us what we are but the ones that appear out the blue, now that just isn’t fair. Of course they come in different formats too, for example there are the ones tha t shoot into your head but with decent willpower you can shove them back into that mental box which you had hoped was locked. Other ones aren't so easy to get a grip with, for example the ones that comes in the night.
When you find yourself in the presence of someone who was your best friend and lover again in a scenario that is warm beautiful and special, the sensation of how special it was comes flooding over your whole body and soul. You’re tingling again in a way that you recognise, you touch and even caress. This moment is only broken when you turn in your bed half awake now and cuddle an empty space, your now wide awake with a start and foolishly you reach and look but there is no one there. Now this is the flashback from hell in the sense that it’s the flashback from heaven.
Now you’re wide awake and you’ve be en subjected to these memories for ages in your sleep, so you can’t just brush them off. They cling to you to like a blanket, smells, tastes and even physically you are enveloped. It’s at this point blame the vta.
This is one of the most torturous happenings that occur to you and it can take most of the day to get ride of it. Actually in the beginning I remember it taking days for me to get through it. Its not that it’s just the memories that now consume you, it’s the fact they let you know how alone you are. They also make it a million times harder for you to rationalise that the person who these feelings you’re having about is actually dead (metaphorically speaking). In the daytime flashbacks, you let your brain step in take over from your emotions thus letting you see the reality of the past and why you’re at this lonely place, it’s not what you wished and worked to have this for yourself. This isn’t all your doing (albeit you may have contributed to it). But at twenty you didn’t set down a goal for your life, which stated that you would be successfully situated in a lonely world with barely any communication from your family (family being the unit that you created, not our parents etc) and visualised a quiet demise by yourself, no there aren't many people wanting that as a goal in their life. There is a wonderful old saying which sums it up lovely
“Better never to have met you in my dreams than to wake and reach for hands that are not there”

Why do these things keep occurring and why is it that some people switch off almost immediately. Sometimes I wish I was one of those that when you talk to them about their divorce, they sweat venom, bile and hatred for their ex, it seems to make life so much easier for them, but to be honest I don’t want to be like that and having known a few and known both parties, their ability to create this heightened state, upsets me and is generally not justifiable. So you can have two people from same home going different ways, one is full of mad hate and the other still full of emotions. That's a hard one to try to explain, if we take the work of Pro. Helen Fisher it does go a long way to explain the latter, might go into more detail on that later. Having said that it all boils down to chemicals and their subsequent effect on other parts of the brain, what is more interesting is the fact that two people can experience the same situation and have different reactions. Love and hate same chemical coin?

So back to the weekend, I had one of those dream flashbacks and you would think I wouldn’t be getting them now but how wrong. Unfortunately it made itself felt heavily present almost the whole time. It did go away but it wasn’t an easy fight, so I ask myself why now, why after so long? Will they stop or will I always get them?

I also think its not the person you really crave ,its what was between you, what you shared, it was special. That is my opinion on why your craving, I mean who wants somebody again that they spent years arguing with before they went their separate ways. No its that special coupling (that existed, soul mate best friend)that is craved but unfortunately as we cant envisage spiritual beings we need to put a body to our needs and sadly for us its our ex that fills that need (simply because you experienced those feelings with them) until someone else comes along, maybe?
Thought just came to me, surely it must be more difficult to even get near to finding that scenario again as we get older. I mean we have seen so much, been hurt so much, how can we even think about really trying to start over again, in the hope of meeting a new soul mate, surely our cynical natures (honed by years of pain) won’t allow us to try and really go there? Or maybe the desperation of not wanting to end our journeys alone will force us to seek that new friend. Maybe we will let our brains rule and find somebody that ticks enough boxes that enable us to be able to live with them, better than alone??
Or are we forever optimists and will search on against all the logic that our brains throw at us so that we can have “the romance” in our lives again. Which of these would you settle for?

Enough rantings for now.

Christmas 2008

2009-04-17T16:31:00.000+01:00

Well it’s that time of year again, think it’s a good time to go away. This time I'm thinking of going to Lanzarote to see a mate, as he is single and living away from home I won’t be intruding on a family feast. Have been checking flights but they are really expensive for that time of year, so it doesn’t look like Ill make it. The good news is that there are plenty of cheap late deals going as long as I don’t care where I go and to be honest I don’t.
Before I can make any serious arrangements I need to see if I can get my cats fed while I'm away for the week. Asked Julie and she has agreed, cool
So having checked the internet I have narrowed it down to about 5 places, need to pop into town and get some euros and also give keys to Julie. Got the euros, Julie next, oh dear this is where it all falls apart. I had misheard Julie and thought that she was going away the same day I was coming back…wrong…she is off on Boxing day, so I cant go now. The good news is that I still haven't booked anywhere so no money lost and its Christmas at home for me.
Well might as well make the most of it, got myself a huge tree its lovely and some decorations. I also have some pressies from friends to put under it.
Have done all my gifting that I'm doing, gave the kids cash so they can spend it on whatever they like, as I rarely ever see them I don’t know what they want or like anymore.
Its nearly Christmas day and I have had several offers from friends to spend the day as I'm not going and away and they don’t like the idea of me spending it alone. Really nice of them but I decline their offers and its not that I don’t really appreciate I really really do. It’s the fact that Christmas day is for families and I'm not part of theirs, I also don’t want them to be worrying about keeping me happy when all they should be doing is opening pressies and having a great time. Another reason is that as I would be watching all of this going on it would make me miss my own family even more and I don’t want to get depressed and spoil my friends’ fun.
Got chatting to Roisin on msn and she was complaining about going to the browns and having to put up with all the “drinking” so I offered to cook Christmas dinner for her and boyfriend but she said she would prefer to see her cousin, at least I offered
Its Christmas morning and its lovely and sunny so to hell with it I think ill take the Blade out for a spin, my pressy to me. Oh dear yellow light is on need petrol and as there is a 24 hour Tesco station (that takes cards) I head off to fill up. Nope that's completely closed, can’t use self service with card either, dam it back to the house. It’s a real shame because the roads are empty, dry and clean.
Back at the house time for a warm cuppa and time to give Bob and Ted (my cats) their pressies, won’t open mine until tea time (dinner)
Cuppa in hand watching rubbish on telly, forcing my mind to think that it’s just an ordinary day but it would help if there was something decent on.
Christmas dinner time, I have cooked a chicken and its quite good, so here I am with my dinner on my lap, surrounding by nobody, it’s a fecking awful feeling. This is the most loneliest time of the year even for a single person without any family. But as a dad, its diabolical, mind plays very nasty games. I see my family surrounding by in-laws having the time of their lives and I should be happy for them but its not that simple.
I see me from a third party’s point of view as if I’m a fly on a wall. I see the big house the sofa and this lonely figure eating off his lap on Christmas day but the real sad element to the picture is the fact that he has family and they dont care enough to even say hello on Christmas day.
To cheer myself up I open the pressies I have from under the tree and they are cool, would have liked to have opened something from my kids though, even a card to put on the mantle would have been nice.
Its at times like these when you start to soul search, hoping to find answers, you put yourself down, you query how awful a dad you must have been. Because of the time of year and the black lonely mood, its almost impossible to see a light. Thoughts are darker at these times; the black hole has no light when you look up.
If anyone finds themselves about to spend their Christmas alone like this and you think (like I did) that you have to face it because it is your future, take my advice DON’T, volunteer for some charity work or something on the day, whatever you do don’t be alone on that day, it’s away far to dangerous.
Do not be alone at Christmas especially if its within the first few years unless you’ve got a very strong personality and if that is the case you probably don’t care anyway.

Christmas in Marrakech 2007

2009-04-14T20:11:00.000+01:00

Decided to spend Christmas somewhere else as I thought the experience of staying home would be dreadful. As it turned out it would have been even worse than I could have imagined.

I chose Marrakech because I thought it would be less xmassy than Europe and it was.

Ok the experience:

Arrived at Inverness airport in good time only to be told that the flight was delayed, no matter I would still have an hour to spare at Gatwick. Well I would have had if the flight wasn’t delayed by another hour. So nearly two hours later I flew out of Inverness heading to Gatwick, great at last I am on my way.

Arrived at Gatwick in a bowl of soup or so it seemed, the mist was really heavy and slowing everything down, which gave me the brief hope that I might catch my connection yet. Wrong as it turned out flights were being cancelled everywhere.

So I had to get a new ticket and get the earliest connection I could find, off to BA to get new tickets. Oh dear there was a queue which took over an hour to get to the desk. Could have got a flight to Marseille and then on to Marrakech that night, but the connection time was only 45 mins and the lady didn’t recommend it. So it was the flight out of Heathrow at 0800 the next morning, good. Well not all good news as Flybe brought me in I had to go back to them to get a voucher for a hotel, which was back at the South Terminal. So off I headed to their desk to find a queue as long as the one at BA, another hour later or so I managed to get a voucher for the Hilton and one for a taxi to Heathrow in the morning. Great now all I had to do was retrieve my case, so the girl rang down to see if it was there, nope so she took me down and a few other people as well to find our cases. Needed to go through security, shoes off, belt off, empty pockets of everything, open the laptop case and put the machine through separately. What a palaver, but a necessary one, so off I go in search of my case, twenty mins later no case. Off back to Flybe desk to let them know there was no case, so they started phoning BA to see if the case was sent up to them as it was originally booked all the way from Inverness to Marrakech. The Flybe lady tries her best to get through to BA but they are in a state of chaos as well because of the delays and cancellations.

Which leaves me with no choice but to head up to North Terminal again to see if I can locate my case. Off I go but when I get there I have to join another queue to be taken to the luggage area with others that have misplaced luggage. After another 20 mins searching still no case, report all details to lost luggage and head off to the hotel. Flybe has put us (passengers from other cancelled flights) up in the Hilton, which means I have to go back to South Terminal to get to the hotel. Once there we discover that they have already started serving the meal and we need to hurry to get anything.

Found our rooms which was a challenge, getting back was even more fun. The food was awful, thank god for the chocolate cake.

Meal over off to bar for a couple of drinks before bed, nice room and lovely shower, there is a minibar in the room but if anything is even moved it will register at the desk lol. Seeing as it’s the Hilton I decide to leave it alone. Shower and off to bed.

Up early next morning as I have to be at Heathrow for 0600 as my flight is at 0800. In the taxi we realise that there is no terminal number on the ticket, luckily the taxi driver phones his headquarters and we head for T1.

Heathrow is completely mobbed and the security is very tight. Once through I check out the flight it is meant to leave at 0805 but gate not open until 0855. Flight eventual left somewhere around 0945 but at least I am off, heading for Marrakech. Flight consisted mainly of catching up on sleep and one of the worst meals I have ever tried.

The plane Landed in Marrakech in bright sunshine and a lovely day. Got taxi to Hotel, I was so looking forward to my room and a shower. Went up to the desk and announced myself only to be told that there was no booking for me, I’m beginning to think that the whole holiday is going to be a travesty. After ten mins or so he finds the booking, so at last I get my room, nice room indeed. BA had promised to forward my case to the hotel when they found it as of yet no sign of it.

Day 1

Showered and headed into town for a walk, I just like to wander to check a place out. Marrakech is wonderful at night with loads of horsedrawn carriages, beautiful lit mosques, open air restaurants and stalls all over the place. Food is cheap but finding a drink (alcohol) is a little difficult but no real problem. Couple of hours later headed back to hotel then on to the casino, which was very profitable.

Day 2

I grabbed a petit cab and took it all over Marrakech, which is great cause you get to see so much of the city for very little money. Around the middle of the day got the taxi driver to take me to a traditional beautiful Moroccan restaurant. Decided to share the experience with the driver, partially cause my Arabic is non existent and the fact that he was my guide for the day anyway. The experience was so different that I forgot it was Christmas day for a period and that I should have been having it with my family. This was the purpose of the trip, so it was a success in that sense.

For those interested in the typical Moroccan meal, it goes like this, rem you do not always get a menu.

First of all you get a selection of hot and cold dishes; called Salade Marocaine which includes diced vegs and chopped liver and sheep brains.

Next, Briouettes which is little envelopes of paper thin ouarka wrapped around meat, cheese or rice, deep fried.

Next, Pastille; ouarka filled with shredded pigeon, almonds, boiled egg and spices baked then dusted with cinnamon and sugar.

Next, Tagine chicken or lamb

Next, a couscous of chicken or lamb

Next, dessert

Next, loads of fruit

All finished off with mint tea and more pastries.

After dinner took the taxi to Jemaa El Fna “the square” the place to be where it all happens. Its an amazing experience, the square is full of snake charmers, monkey people, acrobats, henna artists, poets and loads of other happenings. Its huge with great friendly people all around but be on the look out for the odd pick pocket. Just off the square is the Souk a huge market where getting lost is so easy, but part of the adventure. Everything is for sale here from jewellery to chickens to carpets to scorpions. It’s a fantastic experience bartering has to be done and drive a hard bargain. The people are exceedingly friendly, its like a big game, they are really nice (but they also mean it) to the tourists but after a while you realise its their nature. An example was I was in one of the stalls and the guy spent 10 mins trying to sell me something and when he couldn’t he still proffered that I should eat with them and the offer was genuine, we shared tea and bread.

As dark approaches the square gets an new look, within an hour the place has changed to an open restaurant with scores of open air food stalls erected and offering really good local food for pennies. If you’re a pure hygiene fan then its not for you, but I ate there two nights in a row with no after effects. Its nice to because you sit on benches and you never know who will sit down beside you, from a local family to in my case French Canadians.

After the food headed back to hotel to get refreshed and back to the casino, fell in with a local and did fairly well again.

Day 3

Was mainly spent getting to know the souk better and some nice site seeing, I was also after a digital camera so headed to Werde by taxi, the best camera shop in town, unfortunately the camera was more than a hundred pounds dearer than here. Afterwards got in a heated row with the petit taxi driver cause he wanted three times the amount we agreed to. It was really fun him swearing in Arabic and French me in English neither of us understanding the minutia but everything as clear as day. I gave him a little extra and was proud of my stand, he did wait for over an hour. Don’t think Im being mean they over charge you in the first place. Went back to hotel for a rest and then went back to the square early in the night i.e. 10ish, had some food, oh its nice and I needed to get myself a new case for the journey home. Spent 20 mins in the case shop bartering with the guy about the price, he made it clear we were arguing over a dollar but I managed to save myself a dollar, it’s a pride thing lol.

Headed back to hotel packed for the journey home and then went for a last visit to the casino, didn’t do to well but wasn’t going to spend a lot anyway. On the way back to hotel got a txt from Ciarán, only communication I received from my family all over Christmas.

Day 4

Got up early so as to get to airport on time, which was a good idea cause the Haaj was on and the place was overrun with religious pilgrims. Flight from Marrakech first took us to Casa Blanca and then on to London. Met a really nice couple on the plane, the lady was amazing, we agreed that she was The Matriarch of her family, he was a hired senior security operative in the Middle East, fascinating couple.

Easy journey all the way to Inverness with no real problems, well not yet.. waited at carousel for case…………….yes you guessed it…..no case, took them two days to get it to me.

Other case has never appeared.

To summaries, Marrakech was an adventure, wouldn’t want it to happen the same way again ;), but I really want to go back to see the rest of the country as well. It was important to me because for the last 16 years everything I have done was with the family, it was now my opportunity to find out if I could do something on my own and be content and enjoy my own company.

With no family anymore it was a big thing for me to do but I found out that I could go away on my own and have a great time. Being able to enjoy the rest of my life alone is important and I now know I can.

First Time

2009-04-14T19:31:00.000+01:00

Forgive me Im a blog virgin :)
Im just playing with this for now, more to follow when I suss it.